TOBY PETZOLD

I mean, like, holy shit, Joe (emphases mine):

“Mark my words,” the Democratic vice presidential nominee warned at the second of his two Seattle fundraisers Sunday [19 October 2008]. “It will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here if you don’t remember anything else I said. Watch, we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

“I can give you at least four or five scenarios from where it might originate,” Biden said to Emerald City supporters, mentioning the Middle East and Russia as possibilities. “And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you - not financially to help him - we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”

Ha, ha! What?! Is this why Biden’s no longer available for “availabilities”? Because his foot is in a constant struggle to get into and out of his big mouth? What on Earth is this man trying to suggest? That Obama’s inexperience itself will invite intrigue against us? And that, no matter what his responses are, the nauseating liberal morans will be expected to keep their regrets to themselves?

“Gird your loins,” Biden told the crowd. “We’re gonna win with your help, God willing, we’re gonna win, but this is not gonna be an easy ride. This president, the next president, is gonna be left with the most significant task. It’s like cleaning the Augean stables, man. This is more than just, this is more than – think about it, literally, think about it – this is more than just a capital crisis, this is more than just markets. This is a systemic problem we have with this economy.“

Watch your wallets, my friends. Clean and Jerk are about to steal your sorry, bourgeois asses blind. No? What “systemic problems” is Biden referring to, do you suppose? Insufficient taxation of the dirty business-owning class? That pesky antipathy working people have against giving their money to chain-smoking daytime TV-watchers who are working on baby number whatever? 

You think wealth is the only thing that’s getting spread around here? The Great Society was so great that you just knew it had to have a sequel, so drop some trou and think of [England].

Among the many bizarre and inexplicable things Joe Biden said in last night’s debate, I nominate his brief history of modern Lebanon as the shiningest example:

When we kicked — along with France, we kicked Hezbollah out of Lebanon, I said and Barack said, “Move NATO forces in there. Fill the vacuum, because if you don’t know — if you don’t, Hezbollah will control it.”

Now what’s happened? Hezbollah is a legitimate part of the government in the country immediately to the north of Israel.

Has Biden gone mad? I ask this sincerely. Does he have some sort of organic brain disorder that would compel him to make such demonstrably untrue claims? Unbelievable. Read Michael J. Totten’s incredulous response:

What on Earth is he talking about? The United States and France may have kicked Hezbollah out of Lebanon in an alternate universe, but nothing even remotely like that ever happened in this one.

Nobody – nobody – has ever kicked Hezbollah out of Lebanon. Not the United States. Not France. Not Israel. And not the Lebanese. Nobody.

Joe Biden has literally no idea what he’s talking about.

Moreover, I have never once heard anything about Obama calling for NATO intervention in Lebanon. When did such a thing happen? When the Second Lebanon War broke out in the summer of 2006, was Obama really calling for NATO to keep the peace in Lebanon? Call me crazy, but I think that’s utter nonsense.

Needless to say, Big Media is far too busy fellating Obamachrist to question Biden’s hallucinatory account. Equally needless to add, although I must, is that such claims, had they been made by Hillary Clinton or Sarah Palin, would have drawn derisive howls from such miserable fluffers as David Gergen and Anderson Cooper and the other Leftist craphounds at CNN. Did the anti-American reporter Michael Ware manage to raise an eyebrow at the news that we evicted Hizballah from Lebanon? Doubt it.

In a just world, Biden’s remarks would be regarded as even weirder than Gerald Ford’s claim in his 1976 debate with Carter that there was no Soviet domination of Poland.

But this isn’t a just world.

Even when the Obama campaign isn’t being sexist, they’re beginning to be perceived as such. Which is a fucking riot, dude. Because isn’t that essentially the same conundrum facing Obama’s critics who are falsely charged with racism?

Enjoying identity politics yet, hippies? You know Uncle Tobe is.

Word on the street has it that Sandy Berger was hired on to supervise the Chicago Annenberg Challenge archives search-and-destroy mission this past week. Berger is said to have personally absconded with several pantloads of notes Obama took while on a fact-finding mission to Havana for the Annenberg project. Developing…

The usual Leftist ninnies are just mewling about about John Edwards’ anti-climactic confession of adultery this afternoon, but I couldn’t care less about the Hyperambitious Phony’s love life; I’m frankly surprised he would take valuable time away from teasing his do to fornicate. The greatest scandal, after all, is not Silkiness’ human frailty, but the extreme and undeniable pro-Democratic bias of Big Media. I’m talking about the Tiffany Network and the Electric Peacocks and the Grey Lady and the Whore of Babylon (oh, alright —the Los Angeles Times). The major broadcast and cable news organizations and the major wire services that feed them put an unambiguous embargo on the mere discussion of a legitimate news story involving a man who was a Vice Presidential nominee in 2004. These craven manipulators of America’s public opinion took it upon themselves —in a massive group demonstration of antitrust— to purposely ignore what is now proven to be the truth about a major public figure. Had this major public figure been a Republican, there cannot be any question that the whole sordid thing would have been analyzed and hyped beyond all recognition. The New York Times made damned sure to wonder aloud on its front pages just a couple months ago about a flimsy non-story (i.e., a lie) involving John McCain and some female lobbyist, but then suddenly found journalistic integrity and declined to condescend to the level of the National Enquirer when it came to the Breck Girl? What monstrous hypocrisy. What discreditable conduct for the so-called Paper of Record.

Americans should be ashamed that we still permit a small handful of obvious Democratic partisans to control the greater part of the television and print media in this country. It is an indictment of our information-gathering habits —especially in these days of the World Wide Web— that the news isn’t news for most Americans until the man on the TV says so. The wretched Wolf Blitzer is on my TV right now, as a matter of fact, breathlessly unburdening himself about this nonsense when one knows that his network wouldn’t have just waited around for manna from heaven if this mess had been about Cheney or McCain; they would have sought it out like the craphounds they are. CNN wouldn’t have sat back wondering whether they should put their seal on this story —and thereby verify it in the public mind— but that’s what happened here, anyway, isn’t it? They waited until they couldn’t wait any longer. And for one reason: because John Edwards is a Democrat.

Big Media is a meretricious drag on the quality of our political discourse. It is a great joy to me every time I hear that Pinch Sulzberger’s stocks have fallen again or that the LA Times is laying off more and more staff or that nobody’s watching Madame Couric. Real, triumphant joy. I somehow believe —if only for a while— that it may yet be possible to really democratize our political knowledge as Americans and throw the sorry apologists out.

The hippies get all bent out of shape when you explain to them that George W. Bush isn’t actually spying on them, in particular. They so want to matter, but know they don’t. Therefore, the conspicuous cries foul, as though the pretense to offense were enough to make themselves into ”persons of interest” to McHitlerburton. Instead, these mostly-anonymous slanderers and libelers —raging against some cabal du jour of Jews, Texas oilmen, and Admiral Poindexter— are certain that their most recent blog post on FISA as a bill of right has gained them the attention of the Chimperor’s gestapo. These libtards are pathetic. Nobody cares and nobody is reading their anonymous shit.

Charles Krauthammer pegs Barry Hussein Obama as the phoniest bastard of the past week:

In last week’s column, I thought I had thoroughly chronicled Obama’s brazen reversals of position and abandonment of principles — on public financing of campaigns, on NAFTA, on telecom immunity for post-Sept. 11 wiretaps, on unconditional talks with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — as he moved to the center for the general election campaign. I misjudged him. He was just getting started.

Last week, when the Supreme Court declared unconstitutional the District of Columbia’s ban on handguns, Obama immediately declared that he agreed with the decision. This is after his campaign explicitly told the Chicago Tribune last November that he believes the D.C. gun ban is constitutional.

Obama spokesman Bill Burton explains the inexplicable by calling the November — i.e., the primary season — statement “inartful.” Which suggests a first entry in the Obamaworld dictionary — “Inartful: clear and straightforward, lacking the artistry that allows subsequent self-refutation and denial.”

“Swiftboating” is another word the Democrats use that doesn’t mean what they think it means. Who knows how their minds work? At this point, it must be said that they’ve gone soft because they aren’t really thinking through their support of this charlatan, but feeling it. It’s an embarrassment because most of them do not have the intellectual integrity to hold their man accountable for his many major renegings of the past three weeks. They’re just giving him a pass on everything because they are his bitches. He owns their sorry hippie asses and is making no secret of that in how he now behaves.

The whole thing, as Bill Clinton said, is a fairy tale.

Word on the street is that Bill Clinton hates him some Barack Obama (emphasis mine):

It has long been known that Mr Clinton is angry at the way his own reputation was tarnished during the primary battle when several of his comments were interpreted as racist.

But his lingering fury has shocked his friends. The Democrat told the Telegraph: “He’s been angry for a while. But everyone thought he would get over it. He hasn’t. I’ve spoken to a couple of people who he’s been in contact with and he is mad as hell.

“He’s saying he’s not going to reach out, that Obama has to come to him. One person told me that Bill said Obama would have to quote kiss my ass close quote, if he wants his support.

“You can’t talk like that about Obama - he’s the nominee of your party, not some house boy you can order around.

That’s hysterical. Is it true? I don’t know. But I think that what Hillary attempted to do before she finally conceded —once the desperation had became incumbent upon her— is something that Bill can still do himself: serve the public good by attacking Obama, who is a charlatan and demagogue. In fact, I hope he winds up endorsing McCain, which would be a proxy gesture for Hillary since she obviously regards him as better qualified to be President than Obama.

And, then, Joe Lieberman will have to surrender the crown for Most Disloyal Democrat ever to the Big Dog. In the annals of partisan repudiation, what could compare? TR running against Taft? I would love to see Clinton do this. His ego almost demands it: he can still have a third term if HRC decides to run again in 2012.

A lot of people I read have been linking to Joseph A. Palermo’s ham-handedness at today’s Huffington Post because it is so monumentally stupid:

Jon Stewart and The Daily Show should be mindful whenever Obama is the target of their satire that they don’t end up regurgitating Republican talking points. The Daily Show is far more influential than it was four years ago when Bush still had millions of people duped. The producers should be careful when poking fun at Obama not to provide fuel for the right-wing slime machine. Poke fun at Obama all you want, but do it in a way that also reveals the Republicans’ mendacity and hypocrisy.

Palermo’s fear of what his party has done is so fragrant that he needs someone to follow him around to clear the stink lines emanating from his head. Threatening Jon Stewart with the disapproval of the Obamatons? Giving Stewart directions on how to criticize Obama?  What a childish head-zealot. There are three things I will never understand: veganism, scat, and liberals who don’t notice liberal bias in Big Media. I mean, Jee-zus.

Oh, and I don’t want to let a single calendar month between now and November go by without my explicit request that the Democratic Party apologize to me for permitting this nonsense. What have you done to my former party? The one that Bill and Hillary Clinton invited me into before the Big Dog’s lies became too much and I went into protest voter mode until 11 September 2001. You Eleven Percenters are crap to me and I have zero respect for the Democratic Party for this effrontery. Is Obama in any way remarkable on the merits? Look at someone like Ted Kennedy. That’s a guy you can really get a hate-on for. I once had a boss who would routinely excuse himself with newspaper in one hand and his spit-cup in the other to go “take a Ted Kennedy.” Love him or hate him, the man inspires genuine reaction and occupies a large place in our lifetimes. In mine, I’ve never known an America without Ted Kennedy —and I’m pushing forty! What claim on History and Americanism can Obama make? Very little. He showed up without warrant and the idiots went to drooling. I don’t like him. I don’t trust him. And it’s hard to respect people who think he is qualified to be the most powerful man in the world in this season of his life. Maybe another season. Fine. But Obama will have to lose much if ever hopes to win again.

Here’s some crap I really disrespect (emphasis added):

Luis Vera, LULAC’s general counsel, said LULAC wants a judge to toss the results of the March 4 primary because it believes delegates weren’t allocated fairly, considering Latinos invariably support the party’s nominees. The party bases the delegates awarded within each state senatorial district on the percentage of voters who turned out and voted for the Democratic gubernatorial nominee in the most recent previous general election.

A key factoid: Latino-heavy districts end up fielding fewer delegates to the national convention. Why? Turnout in those districts often drops in general elections partly because Democratic candidates in those districts face fewer serious fall races.

Vera, set to be a delegate to the state convention pledged to Sen. Hillary Clinton, said it’s possible Clinton would benefit from a change in delegate allocations. Clinton, after all, bested Sen. Barack Obama across the Texas-Mexico border region.

“Of course, it’s possible,” Vera said. “That’s inconsequential. I could care less. This is not about Hillary Clinton and this is not about Barack Obama. My loyalty is to the Latino community.”

Man, is this guy gonna have a problem in Obama’s America of post-racial transcendence or what?