TOBY PETZOLD

Steve Chapman at Reason magazine has put up a great post on the Democratic Presidential candidates’ withdrawal of support for one of Bill Clinton’s greatest achievements: the North American Free Trade Agreement.

Even Hillary Clinton can’t bring herself to defend the deal her husband pushed through. Asked during a recent debate if she thought it was a mistake, she did everything but deny she’d ever met the man.

“All I can remember from that is a bunch of charts,” she chortled, in possibly the least believable statement of the 2008 campaign. “That, sort of, is a vague memory.” In the end, though, Clinton declared that “NAFTA was a mistake to the extent that it did not deliver on what we had hoped it would.”

I think Hillary’s joke is a reference to Ross Perot, whose low-tech slideshow explanation for why he disliked NAFTA was no match for the wit of Al Gore, as memorably demonstrated in their 1993 debate on Larry King’s CNN program. Remember that? Remember when the Gorebot was a New Democrat and Americans didn’t have to be ashamed of voting Democrat anymore? Ah, yes. The Good Old Days.

Some NAFTA supporters thought it might generate enough growth in Mexico to keep Mexican workers at home. When the tide of illegal immigrants grew, it bred resentment here.

That reaction partly helps to explain the Democratic retreat. By denouncing NAFTA, the presidential candidates can appeal to Americans alarmed about our porous borders without offending Hispanic voters.

I think that’s exactly right. The Democrats have done everything they can to avoid taking responsibility for their part in illegal immigration —and have obviously been abetted in this by Big Media as they do. Trashing up NAFTA only now, in service of whatever retarded protectionist agenda now before them as a party, is still something of a surprise, though.

Both parties are guilty on illegal immigration. And the word is guilty. Whichever one of them who can make the most sense on it is going to win in 2008.

Sure!

But only if they’re made to swear before a shrine to the Virgin of Guadalupe and the Deparment of Motor Vehicles that they understand: Left lane rapido, right lane burro.

Seriously. I’m one more road rage incident away from having a .50 cal mounted to my hood.

The United States of America and the United States of Mexico are going to be the same thing some day. It will all be one playground of industry and indolence —just like it is now— but by some other name. That name will be the United States of America. Our flag will look very much like the American flag we know today. Our capital will remain where it is. Our tongue will be nimbler and our women more beautiful. The great-grandson of Oaxacan farmers will sit in the Oval Office. And you won’t have to worry about keeping up with the Joneses anymore because the Perezes and Garcias will be —are now— the common style.

If you had known me when I was a young man, you’d laugh at what I’ve said just now. But the truth is that demography is destiny and the only thing that’s left to us to do is insist on pressing one for English. And I won’t apologize for that. I don’t want people paying fines; I want them to send their kids to school and learn the English language.

No. Not that I can see.

So it must be that Mexicans are wanting to be Americans. By the millions. And since it is so, then they ought to do a few things to become Americans.

Paying a fine? That’s fucking nonsense. That’s a sop to asshole politicians who want to be seen to be punitive. But that isn’t how you make an American, is it? By being punitive ab initio? What the fuck?

Instead, Mexicans who want to be Americans should submit themselves to unfalsifiable identification measures by which they can be known forever. Biometric IDs are the way to go. That’s a start. And the rest of us must do the same. Don’t give me your Big Brother nonsense, either: it’s clear that the future will demand that we be known to our government, creditors, and society. Even if it means that we are that much closer to embracing the mark of the beast, we cannot avoid the issue. If we try to avoid the issue, we will be subjecting ourselves to a future of identity theft and fraud that will only worsen.

So get to loving on that microchip up your ass, friend, because that’s how it is going to be.

The other thing is that Mexicans need to learn English. My great-great-great-grandfather Robert Allison Davis (1819-1847) didn’t fight, die, and get dumped in a mass grave in Mexico City along with hundreds of other brave young Yankee men just so that Montezuma could have his revenge.

Assimiliation? That can be a mutual thing. It will be a mutual thing. But it goddamned well ought to start from the premise that Mexicans want to become Americans —and that that hierarchy must be respected.

Ahh, yes. That old Mexican hospitality (emphasis mine):

Hundreds of union members rallied Monday to support Mexican migrants working in the United States and call for a boycott of U.S. goods in what was dubbed “A Day Without Gringos.” The boycott call by unions came as Mexico celebrated May Day, a holiday dedicated to workers and when business is a fraction of the normal.Immigration rallies also are planned across the United States, where immigrants are being urged to boycott work, school and shopping as part of the “Day Without Immigrants.”At least a half-dozen state governors in Mexico endorsed the boycott of McDonald’s, Wal-Mart and hundreds of other U.S. companies here. Measuring the impact of the actions was likely to prove difficult.

Gringos?

And this thing had the support of state governors?

Why shouldn’t I be offended? I’m not walking around talking about a Day without Spicks, after all.

What’s going on here?

Once again, I cannot find at home a great article I happened across at work —this one about Mexican demography. But, until I find it, have a look at this article by Richard D. Vogel. It is suitably socialist and anti-American in its examination of our history, but it explains something about why Mexican immigration is its own thing and cannot be compared to any other group of immigrants:

Two elemental factors have affected the history of Mexicans in the U.S.: first, unlike both the African American and Native American people, they have had sanctuaries — the borderlands of the American Southwest and Mexico itself — places to recuperate from the relentless exploitation and regenerate, and, second, their labor power remains essential to American capitalism.  These two factors have saved the Mexican people from the dismal fate of so many Native and African Americans.

That first factor is correct: Mexico’s eventual reconquest of the American Southwest is a demographic certainty because of the law of propinquity. But the second factor is not uniquely Mexican. Or does Vogel mean to suggest that the labor of black and Native Americans is no longer ”essential” to our capitalist system? Maybe he meant “cost-effective,” instead.

(Oh, and Vogel basically makes the story of the independence of Texas into that of a huge land-grab for slave-owning Anglo-Americans —because, as we know, anything that is not American or Texan enjoys inherent moral superiority, which, as we also know, is not to be understood as romanticizing or whitewashing the nature of Mexico’s own racist and classist history— but it’s still a useful essay.)

I just heard Antonio Villaraigosa, the mayor of Los Angeles, say that he is offended by the reconception of our national anthem (into something called “Nuestro Himno”) and that those seeking to become American citizens should speak English.

I haven’t much followed Angeleno politics since living there six years ago, but Villaraigosa’s opinions are somewhat surprising to me. I don’t recall him being that close to the center back then.

I’m pleased to know there’s a major Latino politician willing to stand up for English as America’s primary language.

A relative of mine left a voicemail for me a while ago, asking if I had heard what he had just heard some part of on the radio —and could not quite believe.

Yes, I had heard it. And it’s true:

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Owning marijuana, cocaine and even heroin will no longer be a crime in Mexico if the drugs are carried in small amounts for personal use, under legislation passed by the Congress.

Police will not penalize people for possessing up to 5 grams of marijuana, 5 grams of opium, 25 milligrams of heroin or 500 milligrams of cocaine, under a bill passed by senators late on Thursday and earlier approved by the lower house.

People caught with larger quantities of drugs will be treated as narcotics dealers and face increased jail terms under the plan.

The government says the measure allows police to focus on major drug dealers, and President Fox is expected to sign it into law.

Tell me now that President Bush has any stroke at all with the Mexican government or its political culture.

If When this measure goes through, it will be one of the most perfectly-delivered kicks to the groin of US-Mexican relations ever.

You can walk around Mexico with five grams of kind bud and los federales won’t touch you?

The War on Drugs is over, friends.

Mexico won.